Leaving Germany

It blows my mind that I could & still can think of endless reasons why this trip was so wrong for me.
*gasp*
I had put so much prayer and preparation into this adventure!
And then it felt like anything but an adventure to me.
I felt as if I could predict every thing that was to come next and I was already beginning to feel dulled by it all.

How?!?

It was only the rare moments of complete solitude that nourished a feeling of authentic life in me. 
Riding fast and freely through the Danish county side with not another human in sight. 
Or the dirt path through cow pastures along side a lake at sunset. 
Or when I independently discovered the most delicious yogurt in the last bakery we met in Denmark. 

Maybe I should have gone on alone but in the end I was too afraid and too exhausted. With the unknown and the language barriers closing in around me. Real and imagined.

I have great love for these travel companions I chose. And I once thought the whole thing a very wise choice. But experience has taught me otherwise. This was not our trip. It was their family adventure and my independent soul seeking journey. Maybe if I were in a very different phase of life or if I hadn't already set an intention for a specific kind of individual growth, things would have worked out differently. In the end it wasn't my summer for Europe. I should be more sad about that part but I know future opportunities will be made more available to me because of this experience and I will be more informed in my decision making.

As I left for Europe originally I was thoroughly and completely relieved to have a good 3 months of freedom from the things that pull at my mind continually. Things like "I should more aggressively pursue success in my career." " I should probably date someone and rid myself of the constant fear and sabotage of real relationships"...I was relieved to have an excuse not to date or massage anyone for a good period of time. 

But now, here I am. In Florida,  Desperately praying for direction again. I thought I'd been let off the hook for at least another few months. But God and I don't like to pass up opportunities for growth. We'll see what happens.

Ps my travels from Lubeck to Hamburg to Dusseldorf to Miami were beyond interesting and a little frightening and quite funny.